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The Lost Transcript:
Excerpts from an On-line “Chatroom” Discussion with
Dean John R. Galvin, April 1, 1998.
by MVE
Moderator: Well, it's 3 o' clock, let's get started shall we? I'm
Seth Jackson, your host for this episode of Cyberchat—Fletcher's only
program that harnesses the powers of this new, wondrous World Wide Web for
the Fletcher community to enjoy. With us today is our own Dean Galvin. How's
it going, Dean?
Galvin: Just fine. You know, my name is John. In my other life I'm
referred to as General (Ret.) Galvin.
Seth: Duly noted. So now let's open up the discussion to the Fletcher
community. Friends, the magic of cyberspace allows us to communicate with
each other even though we're miles apart! Just sensational. Anyone out
there, if you've got a question for Dean Galvin, just jump right in to our
conversation.
[A few minutes pass.]
Seth: C'mon now, don't be shy! Like me, I'm sure that you've got
questions about bursar's regulations, dress codes and the nuances of campus
landscaping. Let's hear it, Fletcherites!
[A few minutes pass.]
Galvin: Um, hello? Seth? Is this thing still on? Are you sure we're
still connected to the cybernet?
Seth: Yes, I'm sure.
LizardKing420: Wazzzzzzzup! Limp Bizkit RULES. Hey General, you know
you sound a lot like a retard. Did kids hella make fun of you growing up?
Ever heard of Viagra? I've got some cheap— [deleted]
Seth: OK you know what? I think we’re done hearing from the Fletcher
community. I’m not even sure that guy goes here. I’ll take this opportunity
to pose the first question. Dean Galvin, I’ll be blunt: I’m concerned that
the administration isn’t channeling the new power of the internet as much as
it could. When will Fletcher create an on-ramp, if you will, to the
interspace superhighway? Or does the administration feel much like a spider,
caught and tangled in the daunting miasma that is this interwoven web of
knowledge and e-information that is this thing we call the internet machine?
Kind of like Jeff Bridges in Tron?
Galvin: Um, you know, I’m not sure what you mean.
Seth: Well, when will Fletcher became more plugged into the internet?
Galvin: We’ve been taking major steps to ‘plug in’ for a few years
now. I feel a personal connection to this new internet machine, or
superinfo-webway, as I like to call it. We have invested a large amount time
and money into developing our school into a true pioneer of e-education,
like our recently signed deal with both CompuServe and Prodigy, worth
approximately 10 billion dollars. We feel heartily secure in the knowledge
that both companies will be thriving for years to come. Some company called
‘Americans Online’ or something tried to woo us, but we didn’t fall for it.
The future prospects for that little dog-and-pony outfit seem very dim.
Seth: You’re the boss! Tell me sir, what has the school done to
prevent the upcoming Y2K meltdown? Surely Fletcher is in for utter chaos if
we don’t prepare.
Galvin: Truly, this is a grave concern. We have been working on a
subterranean bunker deep in the Berkshires, and have purchased many sandbags
to protect the school in case of flooding. We have also stockpiled our
reserves of Snickers bars, which for now can be purchased as usual from the
vending machine near the computer lab. But come December of next year, you
can rest assured we will move those Snickers bars the hell away from any
computer. Dangerous sugary substance bar.
Seth: I see. Moving on to pop culture now, on the show “Friends,”
which character do you feel you relate to the most?
Galvin: You know, I simply don’t know how to answer that.
Seth: Well fair enough, just though you might have heard of this show
that’s been very popular among—
Galvin: Of course I know the show, Seth. I simply don’t know how to
choose one character. I’ve been a Friendhead for almost ten years. But I
understand your query, these characters strike at the very heart of the
human condition… Gonna have to say I feel the quirkiness of Phoebe on some
days, the perkiness of Monica on other days. Yet there are some days I seem
to channel the Nietzschean melancholy of Rachel, languidly stirring her
latte on a couch at Central Perk.
[A few minutes pass.]
Seth: That was amazing. Truly inspiring. Getting back to an earlier
question, do you have any interesting nicknames?
Galvin: No, nothing out of the ordinary. Some call me Galvin Hobbes,
or "Grindin' Galvin." At my most recent military academy reunion I and a few
old fraternity brothers took it upon ourselves to assign each other the
names of Wu-Tang Clan members. I got Ghostface Killah, and I’m satisfied.
But for the record, I feel Method Man is the illest.
Seth: Any predications for the future?
Galvin: Yes, one I’ve been marinating on for a little while now.
Cyberspace without wires. Picture it! Some day, in the not too distant
future, a Fletcher student will be able to grab at the invisible cables of
the superinfo-webway out of thin air, perhaps right in the Hall of Flags,
and open their “e-mail” envelopes without having to plug into a wall or
anything. Given our deep resources, I foresee no interruption to such a
wire-free service once it’s active and surging through the atmosphere of our
fair school…
MVE is rifling through Fletcher's virtual history as you read.
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