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The Best Part About Being Robbed!
When chance gives you lots of options,
sometimes it's hard to make a choice. Take, for example, the time I got robbed
by a terrifying local thug. How do I choose the best part? After all, I've
always said, when life gives you armed robbery, make armed robbery-ade!
Let's round up the contenders:
RUNNERS UP
The moment he grabbed my throat and squeezed: His hands smelled like cinnamon! I
probably wasn't going to use all that extra hair he ripped out anyway.
The knife was pretty sweet: Pretty self explanatory.
The adrenaline rush: Imagine walking home and minding your own business, when
who should come along but the crazy local stick up man. How does it feel when
you imagine it? The correct answer is, "Thrilling!!!"
The fact that I didn't actually get stabbed: Apparently all of the real stabbers
must have gotten the news off the internet about Tufts being a good place to
wield a knife, because there was a good, old-fashioned honest-to-goodness
American style stabbing on campus a few days ago. (I hope you get better soon,
whoever you are. Be strong)
HONORABLE MENTION
I needed a new wallet anyway.
THE WINNER!
The good press: Heap your adoration on me.
Needless to say, women tend to go to Max
for all their off-campus needs and random acts of heroism.
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