Community
Human rights observers call
new mandatory OCS elevator pitch practice sessions "tantamount to abduction"
Disappointed
by the low numbers of students practicing their elevator pitches outside of PDP,
the Office of Career Services (OCS) has begun trapping students in elevators
around the Fletcher buildings, sometimes for hours at a time, and forcing them
to run through their 30-second pitches over and over again. These mandatory
“practice sessions" have generated controversy, with students asserting their
right against abduction as OCS claims that today’s cut-throat job market
requires more aggressive techniques to succeed.
“We tried offering optional elevator pitch sessions in the elevator outside of
Ginn, but no one was showing up,” explained OCS Director Phillip McMullen. “When
Brandon suggested just kidnapping people in our weekly staff meeting, we all
realized that it was the perfect option.”
The response from students has been less than enthusiastic. Some have complained
of missing classes, meetings, and even Social Hours, while others are upset that
it is no longer possible to use elevators to travel between floors, since they
are constantly monopolized by OCS staff and their hapless victims.
“I’ve had to walk up to the sixth floor three times this week!” complained one
winded second-year. “Sure, it’s the most exercise I’ve gotten since I came to
Fletcher, but the elevators weren’t built so OCS could recreate every
job-related nightmare I’ve ever had.”
A few students have gotten behind the elevator initiative, but complain that the
approach is too haphazard. “I’ve keep getting stuck with Helen Anderson, who
does private sector stuff,” said a first-year MALD, “but I want to work for an
NGO. They don’t even have elevators in my field – what does she think I am, an
MIB?”
Despite the protests, however, OCS staffers insist that their revolutionary
technique is good training for the world beyond Fletcher.
“We think this is a great opportunity for students to practice in a real-life
situation,” said Cynthia Dantas, as she waited for her next victim on the
seventh floor of Cabot. “We think that being shut in a confined space with
someone, and trying to convince them that they are, in fact, an interesting
competent person is an excellent opportunity for Fletcher students to experience
the real world.”
In response to objections raised by faculty and staff OCS plans to construct its
own dedicated career services elevator next year, which will run up and down the
outside of Cabot Hall. The elevator will not actually stop on any floors, but
will accelerate, brake, refuse to respond to passenger commands and make
annoying pinging noises to simulate an actual elevator experience.
Current Issue | Share Your Comments
Archive | Staff | Work for Us | The Fletcher School
