New President Admits Tufts was his "Safety School"

In a recent statement from University officials, Dr. Anthony P. Monaco was announced as the next Tufts University president amid much fanfare and celebration. In an interview with the Ledger yesterday, Dr. Monaco conceded that while he was glad to be chosen for the job, he had to admit that Tufts was his "safety school."

"I mean, don't get me wrong, Tufts is an amazing school," Dr. Monaco began in a mildly defensive voice.

"Scott Brown and Meredith Vieira went to Tufts. A lot of people in the Northeast knows it's a really great place to get an education."

Dr. Monaco admitted that each of the Ivy League schools had rejected his application for presidency. "I knew the Big Three were a reach, but I really thought I had a shot at Cornell or Brown. Look at my application! Princeton B.A., Harvard M.D. and Ph.D., professor at Oxford! I'm my own legacy, and I still didn't get in!"

"I heard all the Ivies got a lot more applications for president this year than usual, though. Plus, I can always work really hard my first year and try to transfer."

As Dr. Monaco and his family began to unpack their things in "totally respectable and adequate" Gifford House, this reporter observed him looking out the bay window to the southeast towards Cambridge, muttering about what could have been.