Kevin the Receptionist Decides He’s Had Enough of Your Bullshit

Yea, I’m Kevin Meehan. I’m the main floor receptionist at Fletcher. What’s it to you?! When I started at Fletcher a couple of years ago, I thought I’d be working with the best and brightest. HAH! What a load of crap! I’ll tell you what Fletcher students are good at: showing up hung over to PDP, and stuffing donuts in their greedy mouths, and then bitching when they run out.

Oh, and being utterly incompetent at booking rooms. What’s that you say? You want a room for five minutes ago? Sure, no problem – I’ll build one for you WITH MY BARE HANDS OUT OF EMPTY PIZZA BOXES! Is it that hard to drop by the day before?

You know what’s made my life a bucket of freakin’ sunshine? Those new TVs in the Hall of Flags. What a brilliant idea. Now I have this glowing screen above my head with NO SOUND. That’s right: “this just in to the Situation Room… nothing. What a huge tease. I’ll just have to keep blasting Lady Gaga from my computer. It’s seriously the only thing that keeps me sane in this swamp of incompetence.
At what point did everyone decide it was okay to steal my Purell? Funnily enough, that industrial-sized vat of waterless antibiotic gel belongs to the person whose desk it sits on. Depriving me of my ability to fight germs is the equivalent of biological warfare! Damn you, you smug little Role of Force brats!

Oh yeah, apparently I can’t sleep here overnight anymore, under my desk, wrapped in the choicest flags around. New “school policy”?! Seems pretty arbitrary to me. So I have to leave this room now? This is my home! You can’t kick me out of my home! MY HUMAN RIGHTS ARE BEING ABUSED!

What’s next for me, then? I’ll tell you. I’ve been planning it for a little while. One of these days – you’ll never know when – I’m just going to jump onto my desk in the middle of Social Hour, middle fingers blazing, and just tell everyone to go straight to hell. Then I’m grabbing a beer from the bar (and I won’t even pay for it! Hah!) and sliding down the inflatable slide that I hid in the loading dock, straight into my convertible! In the meantime, those damn students will find out that I replaced their flags with a bunch of knock-offs from the sales guy in front of the Campus Center, and I’ve taken the real ones to build my new nest!